What to do when your heart is heavy but you still want to choose joy.
Hi friend 🤍 I hope you’re doing okay.
This month has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me personally. There’s been this real tension between what I know is true and what I actually feel.
Things are moving forward. Prayers are being answered. Doors are opening. Life is unfolding in ways I’ve hoped for. I know in my head these are things to be grateful for, things that should bring joy.
But if I’m honest, my heart has still felt heavy.
It’s frustrating because I want to feel the joy I know is available to me. But lately, it hasn’t shown up the way I expected. I’ve been learning what it looks like to trust God even when my feelings don’t match the reality in front of me.
Recently, something from my past surfaced that stirred up old fear and anxiety I thought I had already worked through. It wasn’t anything dramatic or overwhelming, just a soft ache that caught me off guard.
One morning, I woke up and the tears were already there. Coffee sat untouched on my desk, the day hadn’t even begun and I felt spent. I was disappointed, like I had somehow taken a step backward. I had been doing so well. But now this week has left me feeling like a failure if I’m being honest.
I want to be the person who radiates joy. Someone who leads with confidence and carries what God has placed in front of me with strength and grace. I want to walk with boldness like I have nothing to prove and nothing to fear.
But sometimes the sadness creeps in unexpectedly. And when it does, I question if I’m strong enough. If I really have what it takes. I start to wonder if maybe I’m not as steady as I thought.
There have been moments where I’ve caught myself comparing. I’ll look at other women whose joy seems effortless, like it just flows out of them. They move with ease and confidence.
And in those moments, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something. That’s when the thought creeps in—maybe I’ve let Jesus down, or maybe something is off in my relationship with Him.
I know what Jesus has done for me. I know He is my greatest joy. So why doesn’t it always feel like it? Why is it still so hard to walk in that peace every day?
If you’ve been caught in that same cycle of sadness, loneliness, and comparison, I see you. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? The way it can make you question everything you thought you knew about yourself and your faith.
But in those moments, when the doubt gets loud and the sadness feels heavy, I hear this quiet reminder from God:
You’re not failing. You’re still choosing Me. That’s enough.
That truth has been an anchor for me. Because joy isn’t always loud and obvious. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s the simple act of getting out of bed when everything feels overwhelming. Sometimes it’s taking a deep breath when anxiety wants to close in. Sometimes it’s letting yourself cry and still choosing to believe that Jesus is near.
That kind of trust is worship. That kind of surrender is strength.
And here’s what God has been showing me. Even when joy feels far away, hope is still here. Hope for healing. Hope for peace. Hope for the kind of love that stays, even when you feel like a mess.
That hope isn’t something I create or earn. It’s a gift God places inside me. Like a steady flame that keeps burning, even when everything else is going dark.
Maybe this is what joy looks like sometimes. Not a celebration, not a rush of emotion, but a quiet strength. A heart that holds sorrow and hope at the same time and still chooses to believe.
The Bible says, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). Not the joy of perfect circumstances. Not the joy of feeling happy all the time. But the joy of the Lord. The joy of His steady, unchanging delight in you, His presence with you, and His love holding you together when it feels like you’re falling apart.
If joy feels like a battle right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. You’re not broken or falling behind. You’re not too much or not enough. You’re simply human.
And Jesus is so proud of you for choosing Him, even when joy feels like a fight.
8/28 – A Little Note
When I first wrote this earlier in the month, my heart felt heavy and scattered. I was carrying so much anxiety about what was ahead. But somewhere in the middle of it, I whispered, “God, whatever happens, all that matters is that You are glorified.” And from that place of surrender, I started to see Him move.
He brought people. He stirred hearts for the nations. He opened doors for friendship and life. It felt less like I was striving and more like I was simply watching Him work all around me.
And here’s the beautiful part, I wouldn’t say I’m overflowing with bubbly excitement, but I am completely undone by His faithfulness and kindness. From that place, I feel steady. I feel peace. I feel joy in its truest sense.
So yes, at times joy can feel like an absolute battle, but the breakthrough always comes. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once, but always in God’s perfect timing. And when it does, His goodness shines even brighter on the other side.
The joy of the Lord really is our strength… steady, unchanging, and always enough.
I pray you are able to lean on more of His joy as your strength this month <3
This week: Practice joy
Take five quiet minutes with the Lord and say,
“Jesus, show me what it means to find joy in You today.”
Then:
- Look around and name three small things that bring you delight.
- Smile at one memory that makes you laugh or feel a little lighter.
- Take a deep breath and notice where God is already working in your life.
- Thank Him for one thing you usually don’t.
A few verses that are helping me hold onto truth right now:
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!” — Philippians 4:4
“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” — Psalm 118:24
“The joy of the Lord is your strength!” — Nehemiah 8:10
“When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” — James 1:2
Some songs:
– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3gLeCiMJqI&list=RDx3gLeCiMJqI&start_radio=1
– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0-fTjIgUA&list=RD9D0-fTjIgUA&start_radio=1
– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9n0xFzz1ak&list=RDg9n0xFzz1ak&start_radio=1
You don’t have to chase joy.
You just have to open your hands and receive it.
He is with you.
He is your joy.
And He isn’t going anywhere.
With you,
Meg 🤍
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