Oh hey : )
If you clicked on this post because you don’t feel whole right now, you’re in the right place. Often we think we have to fix ourselves, clean up our mess, or finish our task list before we can come to God. But there’s a loving invitation from our Creator to stop striving and rest in His arms. To let Him carry the weight, to let Him piece us back together.
I lived that way longer than I’d like to admit. I had surrendered parts of my life to God, but I was still clinging to certain things for comfort, for peace, and for love. I held tight to things that were never meant to hold me. Because I belong to Jesus and know I’m set apart for His glory, turning away from Him always left a deep ache. It made it harder to run back. I’d reach for Him, feel a moment of peace, and then walk away again in my own strength. Over and over, I’d find myself right back where I started.
Recently, I had a major fall. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and tried everything I could to fix it on my own. I had started this blog with a goal to post monthly, but this is my first real post. I told myself I wasn’t in a place to write, that nothing I said could help anyone while I was struggling. So I kept putting it off.
But then I had an encounter with Jesus. I poured out everything to Him—the loneliness, the anxiety, the shame, and the doubt. And in that moment, I saw a picture in my mind of Him embracing me. He knew everything I was holding inside. He knew the thoughts I hadn’t said out loud, the fears I hadn’t confessed to anyone. He saw every mistake before I knew Him, and every one since. And He still chose me and still loves me.
All I could do was collapse into His arms and let Him hold me. In that embrace, I saw glimpses of myself in low places over the past few months… curled up, panicked, desperately needing someone to just sit with me and say, “It’s going to be okay.” I needed to be reminded that even in my worst, I was loved.
Being in a new city, I don’t have many people I feel close enough with to just sit with me in that. The people who’ve seen me in my panic aren’t here. When the weight of anxiety builds, it gets worse when I remember I’m physically alone. And I let myself be convinced no one can handle my emotion, pain, or struggle.
Somehow, I started believing the same was true of Jesus. That when I felt anxious or ashamed, He distanced Himself. I didn’t ask for His help because I assumed I had already disappointed Him or that I was too much for Him.
There were nights I would fall asleep mid-panic attack and mornings I would wake up in one. One morning, I remember crying out, “Jesus, why? Why am I living like this?” I couldn’t feel His goodness. And even when I did see it in my life, it made me feel guilty, like I wasn’t allowed to feel this bad when others had it worse.
Eventually, the heaviness brought me to a place of surrender. For days, all I could do was sit and ask Jesus to hold me. And in that stillness, I began to feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Grace.
If I had kept moving in my own strength, I would’ve kept failing. I was exhausted, and Jesus saw that. He met me in that tired place with compassion. Those mornings that started with panic began to shift. I would still wake up with anxiety sometimes, but I felt His presence meeting it with peace. I felt His grace fighting off the worry and His love fighting off the fear.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel lazy or guilty for taking time off to just be with Jesus. I felt free. I was reminded I was created not just to do things for God, but to be loved by Him. That’s our first call. That’s the foundation.
Maybe you’ve been living like I was… afraid there’s no grace left for you. Maybe you’ve wondered if you’ve messed up too many times, or if you’re falling short of who God wants you to be. I’ve been there. I believed the lie that His grace would eventually run out. That He’d give up on me. That if I wasn’t always strong, always holy, always right, I’d lose Him.
But that’s not who He is. His grace doesn’t have a limit. His love isn’t earned. And your salvation isn’t some balancing act you have to maintain by yourself. If His love came with conditions, it wouldn’t be His love at all.
So I’m writing this not from a place of having arrived, but from the middle of the process. I believe God is glorified in honesty, in the brokenness offered back to Him. All I ever want this blog to be is a space where people feel seen and refreshed. A place that reminds you that you’re not alone and that healing is a real process, but Jesus is with us through it.
If you clicked on this hoping for a three-step plan to fix your life, I want to lovingly tell you that’s not what you’ll find here. Because real peace, real wholeness, real healing, those things are only found in Jesus. And He wants your heart more than your perfection.
So if you’re hurting right now, if you’re exhausted from trying to hold it all together, here’s what I encourage you to do.
Pause. Close your eyes. And just ask Jesus to hold you.
That’s it.
He’s not waiting for you to perform. He’s not frustrated with you. He’s ready to meet you in that place of surrender.
There’s no judgment, no hurry, and no conditions.
Let yourself be His child again. Let Him cover you with grace.
He loves you because He loves you. Rest in that.
Below, I’ve linked some songs, scriptures, and podcasts that have been part of my healing lately. I pray they minister to you like they’ve ministered to me. If you ever want someone to pray for you, please reach out. You’re not alone. <3
SONGS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yo2WHxVPW8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wapXZkU-jFM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVpBKjHmJ8U
PODCASTS:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1VB8lSsBwoZ8MZSO6OJfhM?si=feebc8f792564b33
https://open.spotify.com/episode/75qnLfBxaL2G25RHDDfnNB?si=224c7d724f654eeb
SCRIPTURES:
Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”
Isaiah 46:4 “I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.”
John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
Love you, come back for June’s upload! <3
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